I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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