I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
