This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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