dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
