So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
