I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
