I skipped work to stalk him.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
