I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
