That's intense
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
