In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
