So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
