Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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