I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
