8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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