time to smoke my breakfast
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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