Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
