so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
