if you like me you must not know who I am
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
