You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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