We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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