one two three fourrrrnication!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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