What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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