maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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