i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
