meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
