He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
