So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
