If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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