Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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