so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
