I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Screwed.edu
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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