All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
