Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
