Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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