I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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