she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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