Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
