Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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