i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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