i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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