you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
