if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
