I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
