he thought i was a dude.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
