Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
