i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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