so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if only i could text you this smell
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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