Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're too hungover to prance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
