Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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