i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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