HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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