i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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