OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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