it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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