I can tuck mytits in my pants
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
