actually, I'm a sock model
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
